In today’s world, close friendships often come with shared confidences. Many people feel comfortable telling their deepest thoughts and personal issues to their closest friends, especially women.
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However, as Toke Makinwa, a popular Nigerian media personality, points out, there is a growing trend where some women share those same secrets with their romantic partners, thinking that such disclosure is a normal part of their relationship.
But is it really a good idea? Here, we explore why keeping your friend’s secrets away from your partner is important for preserving trust and loyalty in friendships.
The Nature of Trust in Friendships

Friendship is often built on mutual respect and confidentiality. When your friend opens up to you about something personal, they’re trusting you to hold onto that information. Breaking this trust by passing on their secrets—even to someone as close as a partner—can have damaging consequences. Trust, once broken, can be hard to rebuild. Even if your partner doesn’t intend to misuse the information, the fact that the secret was shared can create feelings of betrayal for your friend.
Toke Makinwa emphasizes this point in her recent advice to women. She suggests that it is essential to protect your friend’s privacy, stating that some things should never be repeated, not even to your husband or boyfriend. This advice is particularly important in maintaining the integrity of the friendship.
She began, “I’ve got something very important to say but ladies, I’m going to eat you guys up on this video because it’s very important, so follow me as I go. My best friend contract is with you and I, not you plus your significant other. It breaks my heart to see many female friendships hit the rocks because of this mistake that a lot of us women make.”
“I understand that he’s your guy and you guys are best friends and he has to know everything that is going on but if you love your friends and you cherish your friendship, I believe protecting them should come second to none, including that man,” she explained.
She added, “If your best friend confides in you about something that she’s going through or something that is happening in her life, maybe about guys, your husband or boyfriend should not be privy to that information. Why? Because he’s not her best friend.”
Why Sharing Can Cause Problems

Sharing personal details with your partner about your friend might seem harmless, but there are risks involved. Once a secret is passed on, you lose control over where that information might go. Even the most trustworthy partner might let something slip unintentionally in casual conversation, potentially leading to embarrassing or harmful outcomes for your friend. Imagine a situation where your partner, during a social event, unknowingly brings up sensitive information—this could lead to misunderstandings or worse, damage to multiple relationships.
Also, there are situations where sharing a friend’s struggles might impact how your partner perceives them. This could affect not just your friendship but also how comfortable your friend feels around you and your significant other.
Makinwa concluded, “Sometimes you wonder why your man would have an issue when you tell him you’re going to hang out with a friend; it’s the things you tell him! The same way you protect your man and don’t air his dirty laundry to me is the same way you shouldn’t do me.”